I Know What Yesterday Was

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No smoke show
No sound bath
No energy healing

No pizza down the block
Or laughing through tears
Or dancing in your living room

No outpourings
Of cosmic transcendence
Twin flames
The purest unconditional love

Yesterday I drove through a rain
Similar to my state
To put my aunt in the ground
A sea of black
A year of death
I don’t mean to be bleak but
That’s the way it goes
I am both feeling and unfeeling

Where’s that sheepish slump?
That knowing heart?
That holding of my face in your hands?

I wish you’d found me
Under the waning moon
My hummingbird heart
Can’t take another cracking
Each night it splits to shards
In the dark
A deafening ache
Dulled by dawn but never gone

I know what yesterday was
Did you remember too?

(2018)